I used to have a bad case of 🙋🏻♀️YES. Some call it the Disease to Please, and my case was extreme. I was always saying yes to things. The word yes rolled out of my mouth while my mind was simultaneously screaming NOOOO! I had a big 😀smile on my face as I said that yes, too. Authentic smile? Nope. 👎🏻Genuine yes? Absolutely not!👎🏻
I think there were several reasons why I was quick to answer yes to anything asked of me. A big part of it was that I had a hard time standing up for myself. 😔That felt selfish to me somehow. I know now that it isn’t selfish, but you couldn’t have told me that back in the prime of my Disease to Please days. I thought of myself as ☀️nice. I didn’t want to be the bad guy. I tried to make things easier on everyone around me. I tried to keep the peace- always. 🤞🏻
I also had this weird sense of responsibility- like whatever couldn’t happen if I didn’t jump in and take the reins. Why did it have to be me? 🙅🏻♀️It didn’t. Many times, I wasn’t even the most qualified for the tasks at hand. 😳I was just the first one to say yes. Who was going to argue with me? No one!😬
I don’t think that my experience with the word YES is unique. The guilt of saying no can feel huge! A lot of us find ourselves saying yes even when we don’t want to. 👍🏻Saying yes before thinking it through. 👍🏻Saying yes when we know good and well that it is the wrong word to say. 👍🏻Saying yes when we have to juggle around our whole world to make it work. 👍🏻
You know what? People will keep asking if you keep saying yes.
People will also figure it out if you say no.
Here’s the truth. You need to figure out the reasons for saying YES, then you’ll feel better when you say no. 💯That guilt won’t crash down when you understand the intention behind the yes. So why do you want to say yes?
When I couldn’t force myself to say no, my yes didn’t always feel good. 😔I reacted negatively if I said yes because I felt forced or expected. In the back of my mind, I always felt like people knew I’d say yes- no matter what. 😔I felt like I was an easy 🎯target. Like I couldn’t let people down by saying no. Like I didn’t have permission to say anything other than yes. Who the heck wants that kind of weight on their shoulders? 🙅🏻♀️Not me! It became too much over time. It was more than my physical and mental well-being could handle at times.
My intention wasn’t about helping or contributing. My intention was about my 😱fear of letting others down. The truth was that I wouldn’t have let anyone down. If I had said no, people would have figured it out. ✅If no was the best answer- the honest answer- for me, I should have felt comfortable enough to say it. ✅I can say it now. Not always, but it’s definitely easier. No comes out of my mouth more often than it used to. The guilt isn’t there either. When I started to focus on my intention for saying yes, it became easier to say no.🙌🏻
I have a friend who uses this expression: not my 🐒monkey, not my 🎪circus. I think she’s on to something.
What if…you find your intentions behind your yes? If it brings you joy, do it! ✨When you truly have the time and energy, lend a hand. ✨If you feel up to a challenge, go for it. ✨Just don’t feel guilty when you need to say no. It’s okay. Say no, and don’t obsess about it. There will be another opportunity for you to say yes- and mean it!💖