I used to have a bad case of 🙋🏻♀️YES. Some call it the Disease to Please, and my case was extreme. I was always saying yes to things. The word yes rolled out of my mouth while my mind was simultaneously screaming NOOOO! I had a big 😀smile on my face as I said that yes, too. Authentic smile? Nope. 👎🏻Genuine yes? Absolutely not!👎🏻
I think there were several reasons why I was quick to answer yes to anything asked of me. A big part of it was that I had a hard time standing up for myself. 😔That felt selfish to me somehow. I know now that it isn’t selfish, but you couldn’t have told me that back in the prime of my Disease to Please days. I thought of myself as ☀️nice. I didn’t want to be the bad guy. I tried to make things easier on everyone around me. I tried to keep the peace- always. 🤞🏻
I also had this weird sense of responsibility- like whatever couldn’t happen if I didn’t jump in and take the reins. Why did it have to be me? 🙅🏻♀️It didn’t. Many times, I wasn’t even the most qualified for the tasks at hand. 😳I was just the first one to say yes. Who was going to argue with me? No one!😬
I don’t think that my experience with the word YES is unique. The guilt of saying no can feel huge! A lot of us find ourselves saying yes even when we don’t want to. 👍🏻Saying yes before thinking it through. 👍🏻Saying yes when we know good and well that it is the wrong word to say. 👍🏻Saying yes when we have to juggle around our whole world to make it work. 👍🏻
You know what? People will keep asking if you keep saying yes.
OUCH! 😬
People will also figure it out if you say no.
BOOM!💥
Here’s the truth. You need to figure out the reasons for saying YES, then you’ll feel better when you say no. 💯That guilt won’t crash down when you understand the intention behind the yes. So why do you want to say yes?
When I couldn’t force myself to say no, my yes didn’t always feel good. 😔I reacted negatively if I said yes because I felt forced or expected. In the back of my mind, I always felt like people knew I’d say yes- no matter what. 😔I felt like I was an easy 🎯target. Like I couldn’t let people down by saying no. Like I didn’t have permission to say anything other than yes. Who the heck wants that kind of weight on their shoulders? 🙅🏻♀️Not me! It became too much over time. It was more than my physical and mental well-being could handle at times.
My intention wasn’t about helping or contributing. My intention was about my 😱fear of letting others down. The truth was that I wouldn’t have let anyone down. If I had said no, people would have figured it out. ✅If no was the best answer- the honest answer- for me, I should have felt comfortable enough to say it. ✅I can say it now. Not always, but it’s definitely easier. No comes out of my mouth more often than it used to. The guilt isn’t there either. When I started to focus on my intention for saying yes, it became easier to say no.🙌🏻
I have a friend who uses this expression: not my 🐒monkey, not my 🎪circus. I think she’s on to something.
What if…you find your intentions behind your yes? If it brings you joy, do it! ✨When you truly have the time and energy, lend a hand. ✨If you feel up to a challenge, go for it. ✨Just don’t feel guilty when you need to say no. It’s okay. Say no, and don’t obsess about it. There will be another opportunity for you to say yes- and mean it!💖
sharing the stairs 